


Two Ships Passing in the Night

by labyrinthof_fan_fiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinthof_fan_fiction/pseuds/labyrinthof_fan_fiction
Summary: You would never admit your feelings for Spock, even at the expense of your own heart. You had known going into this relationship that it was casual, but you hadn’t expected the consequences that stemmed from this relationship or where life would take you.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader, Spock/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I told you all that I would make it back to Star Trek again. This one has taken on a mind of its own and morphed in ways I was not planning.. OOC at times. Trying something different with the imagine style. Giving the OC a name and all that but writing in second person. I saw this in a post somewhere about people hating y/n, which if I’m honest. I do too. I barely picture myself in inserts and create a different character and read it from their point of view. Let me know what you guys think.

You had fallen in love with Spock. You knew that much, even after you had agreed with him that it was nothing more than physical. For you that had changed, and you damned yourself for it. Then the battle happened, the betrayals, the destruction of Vulcan. Everything changed, you just didn’t realize how much until you were lying in a medical bed.   
The Enterprise crew was shaken after the battle with Nero. You found yourself in an unfamiliar medical room, it was a hospital. You tried to take in everything, until Doctor Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy walked through the door. The two of you had become close friends, thanks to your mutual tolerance of Captain James T. Kirk. As a member of command you often found yourself wanting to throttle the man, Leonard just generally had that feeling. It lead to a great deal of bonding between the two of you. It had all started when you walked into the medbay, arm slung around Jim, holding him upright.   
“Look, Bones, she can carry me.” Jim said, his head lolling a bit, Leonard glanced up looking at the injuries on the Captain as you set him in a medical bed.  
“Finally, someone who can kick your ass.” Leonard muttered, winking to you before starting to work on Jim.   
Leonard was shaken as he entered the hospital room. You believed that he had been through more than the rest of the crew. He would never admit it, but healing people would take its toll on him, especially when he would not be successful. His hazel eyes meeting yours, for moment they held the softness you were used to, but they hardened quickly.   
“What in the hell did you think you were doing putting yourself in danger?” He snapped, closing the door of your hospital room, his eyes alight with a rage that he normally reserved for Jim.   
“My job?” You asked, your arm in a sling, your eyes wide as the doctor began to huff.   
“Your job…..you think this is about your job?” Leonard asked, his eyes searching your face, quickly flicking back and forth. Looking for some kind of reaction from you.   
“Bones, what has you all worked up?” You winced as he sat next to you on the bed.   
“Darlin’, have you noticed anything odd with yourself lately?” He asked gently.   
You raised an eyebrow at the man in front of you. “Being in the middle of an intense battle and witnessing a planet’s destruction….. Yeah, nothing to make me feel weird lately.”   
Leonard sighed, “Jen, listen to me. The past few months, have you felt different, physically?”   
You sighed, trying to think of something you had noticed. I had my heart broken, but you know that. “Bones, just spit it out. Am I dying tomorrow? I’ll have to get my dress uniform pressed if that’s the case.”   
Leonard groaned. “Goddamnit Jen, you’re pregnant.”   
You froze. That couldn’t be right. You couldn’t…… Yes, you could, very much so, be pregnant. You stared at him. “Bones……” You began.   
“Don’t worry. I didn’t tell anyone, at least anyone from the crew. The baby’s fine. You’re four months along. We’re going to need to get you started on supplements to manage the Vulcan genetic needs and keep you safe.” He said softly, his hand reaching out to yours on the bed. His thumb stroked the back of your hand.   
“Thank you.” You whispered.   
“No problem, but you should tell him.” He began. “He deserves to know he is going to become a father.”   
You sighed, he was right. Which you did not want to admit to him. “He’s going to Vulcan. He told me yesterday. He came here to say goodbye.”   
“He might stay if he knows.” Leonard tried to convince you.  
“No, his mind is made up. There is no trying to change his mind.” You said, thinking about the man in question. He was determined to be a part of rebuilding his planet. He was driven, which was one of the qualities that had attracted you to him. You had slept together once, he had needs, you were willing, and that was enough.   
Knowledge of the child you were now carrying was jarring for you. He wanted to aid with Vulcan, as a young male of the species he had felt that he could aid in the repopulation of the species. His words, which now felt odd to you with the circumstances, but the child would be 75% human. The 25% of Vulcan genetics probably weren’t enough to consider the child to be a part of the New Vulcan. You knew that Spock had a tough time being half human. You weren’t sure you wanted to subject your child to that scrutiny. Your brain continued to spin at rapid speed, you were finally pulled out of your thoughts by Leonard’s voice.   
“Jen, are you here?” His hand had moved from yours and come up to your face.   
“Yeah, I’m here.” You whispered.  
“You have options.” Leonard said, his hand leaving your cheek. “Adoption is better than it ever was. Abortion….” His voice dropped off as you flinched. “Darlin’ it’s options, I’m not going to tell you what choice to make. This is all up to you. As a doctor, I have to tell you the options.”   
You glanced up, meeting his blue eyes. “I’m going to keep it.” You answered.   
He nodded, something you couldn’t recognize in his eyes. “We’ll get you started on supplements, get you in for OB/GYN services. We’ll need to see what we need to do to get you back on the Enterprise. We might have to hire another doctor…”   
You glanced up at him. You hadn’t told him, you hadn’t told him. In the few days before you were transferred back into his care, you guessed that he had fought with the hospitals to be in charge of the Enterprise crew’s care. “Yes, to the first two.” You murmured.   
“The first two?” He asked.   
“I’m not coming back to the Enterprise. I was offered to be captain of the Defiance. Given the circumstances, I think I’m going to take it.” Leonard remained silent, waiting for you to continue. “It’s a diplomatic ship. There will be less danger than a five year exploratory mission.”   
Leonard sighed. “I won’t deny that there is definitely a greater deal of safety on that mission. But, that could just be due to you being the captain.” He smirked.   
“Leonard McCoy, are you saying bad things about the great James Kirk?” You joked.   
“Considering that most of the crew is in a medical bed, I’d think I have a lot of bad things to say about James Kirk right now.” He grumbled, “I will miss you though.” He added.   
“I’ll miss you too, Bones.” You answered, reaching out and lightly squeezing his hand. He held your hand for a moment longer than necessary and released it with a sigh.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Captain.” He rose from your bed and made his way to the door, he closed the door behind himself, letting out huge breath he had been holding. He glanced back at you, in your hospital bed, one arm in a sling, the other hand resting on your abdomen and he couldn’t stop the pang in his chest as he watched you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbyes and new beginnings. Leonard pining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Honestly, I do love Spock, and this was going to be just a Spock story, but my brain decided that Leonard needed to be in this. So there goes my planned out plot. It went poof. 
> 
> Warnings: Pining, unrequited love, swears, sexual themes, mentions of sex, love triangle bull****, mild language

Leonard continued to watch over your care, he was going to for as long as he was able. He wondered how Starfleet had processed you becoming a Captain and being pregnant. He was proud of you, not that he would tell you that, at least outright. He had watched you falling head over heels for Spock and it had killed him. He knew that Spock had set parameters for the relationship, that it was a casual nature. He had been there the night you realized you had fallen for the Vulcan and jealousy had made a permanent home in the pit of his stomach. That night you had cried in his quarters, nursed a glass of whiskey, and fallen asleep in his bed. He slept on the couch that night.  
The next morning you had wandered out of his room, and it was the most beautiful sight he had seen. Your hair was loose around your face, your eyes still clouded with the remainders of sleep, your eyes met his and you gave a small smile that shattered his heart, because he knew. You weren’t his. You probably never would be his. But he would be there for you, he would always be there.  
He had dismissed his feelings for a long time, denying that after his ex-wife he would ever have feelings for another. He had built up walls around his heart. Somehow you slipped through them. And damn did he try to keep you out. But each time you’d waltz in to his med bay with an injury from something idiotic, at least in his professional opinion, you had done on Jim’s orders you put a crack in his walls. After you had walked in carrying Jim, you and Leonard had become friends, close friends. And he cherished the friendship, it seemed that his feelings were only a secret from you.  
When he read the report of your pregnancy he could feel another nail driven into his heart. He remembered the day he had told you that your relationship with Spock was a bad idea. No amount of conversation would have convinced you that staying with Spock, given the guidelines of your relationship, was a bad idea. He had tried it once, it ended with you in tears and him sitting alone at the dining hall for a week. Jim never really got the full picture of what had happened between the two of you, and Leonard doubted he would ever tell him. He had been forgiven eventually, that day you both had made a pact to tell each other the truth and at the least, listen to what the other said, even if it hurt.  
He sighed, the Enterprise was leaving in a week, you were being released from the hospital today. You would be happy with that news, it would give you the chance to finally see your ship. You, a Captain, it was fitting, from just seeing you handle Jim he knew you were meant for leadership. He had worked hard to find a doctor that he knew would care for you in space. It had taken time, most doctors were wary of the idea of an in-space pregnancy. Adding the interspecies nature of the pregnancy made several turn the prospect away. Doctor M’benga was slated to be onboard the Enterprise for the exploration mission. Leonard was curious as to why a doctor with Vulcan specialties would be onboard the ship, his curiosity was killed when he saw Spock’s name on the docket for the mission. Bastard, he would snarl in his mind. He should have cared more that the any could see his hatred of his crew-mate so openly, but you sitting in the hospital murmuring to your stomach made it truly hard for him to give a damn about anything else.  
Finally, Doctor Ambrose agreed to the prospect, she was a kind woman, had experience in interspecies pregnancies. She had come to your room and introduced herself. You both got along well, that was important. He had caught a part of a conversation between the two of you a few days ago.  
“That man of yours is a real piece of work.” Ambrose had said.  
“He always has been.” You answered, rolling your eyes.  
Ambrose nodded knowingly, “You’re a lucky woman, he will be a great father.”  
“Oh, he’s not….” You began, Ambrose’s eyes grew wide.  
“I’m sorry, my mistake.” She murmured, looking down.  
“But he would be a great father.” You admitted, before turning to a more humorous tone. “He’s just not the father of this one.”  
“Now that my dear is quite obvious,” the doctor laughed, the tension in the room dissipated, Leonard remained on the other side of the door until Ambrose left.  
She noticed him outside the door and reached out, giving his arm a squeeze before continuing on her way.  
He picked up your chart as he made his way to your room. Heart heavy as he looked up as he passed the entry, Spock was there. Of course he was. “Spock.” Leonard greeted curtly, with a sharp nod.  
“Doctor.” The Vulcan answered in kind, his face turning back to you. “Congratulations again, Captain.” He walked out of the room, not making eye contact with the doctor who barely stepped out of his way.  
Once he was out of sight, Leonard looked up at your face, a few tears had formed in the corners of your eyes. One making slow progress down your cheeks. “Jen?” He asked.  
“He’s staying with the Enterprise.” You murmured. “He and Uhura patched things up.”  
Leonard didn’t want to ask the question that was coming, but he had to. “Did you tell him?”  
You glanced up, eyes still glassy and glinting with the fresh tears. “No.”  
He sat beside you, his hand reaching up to your cheek to wipe the tear. “It’s going to be okay.”  
You scoffed, “We promised to not lie to each other, Len.”  
“Somehow, someway, you’re going to be okay. You and this kid have the universe going for you.” He said, his thumb rubbing your cheek. “You’re captain of a starship. You have one hell of a doctor going with you to take care of you. You are going to be such a good mother.”  
Your eye met his, his thumb continued stroking your cheek. “And you?”  
“You know you’ll always have me,” He murmured, you’ll always have me, my heart, my soul, every part.  
You felt yourself lean into his hand, tears falling freely. A few moments of silence passed between the two of you. You knew that the Enterprise was leaving in a week, you were going to have to learn to live without the two most important men in your life. “You think I’ll be a good mom?”  
“The best.” He answered, the corner of his mouth pulling into a half smile. Partly reassuring, partly sad. “Now let’s get you packed up and out of here. Hospital food is terrible.”  
Spock made his way through the halls of the hospital, leaving you and the doctor behind. He kept a determined pace until he was outside in the fresh air. He knew that you had feelings for him, that was why he had told you that he was back with Uhura. That was not entirely the truth, but he knew another truth. You loved the doctor, much more than you ever could have loved him. Spock knew that you loved him, but he didn’t love you. He knew that all of this was not fair to you, the relationship, so he decided to try to fix his mistakes. If Spock wore his emotions like a human, he would have shown that he felt guilty. He had entered into his relationship with you to care for his needs, he knew you were willing and he took advantage of you. If anyone were to ask him, he would fully admit that he was in the wrong the entire time, not that anyone ever would.  
You had been odd to him today, not cold, but dismissive. Which was odd for you. He had seen you mad before, enraged even. But not dismissive. You had listened to him, he knew that much, but you seemed slightly uncomfortable. He could not put his finger on it. Something was off. Perhaps it had just been his presence, he had told you that he had planned to aid in the rebuilding of New Vulcan, and now he was committing to the mission with the Enterprise. Shock and confusion often affected humans oddly. When shrouded in anger and hurt, there was no way that one, even as intelligent as he, could definitively anticipate what one would do.  
He glanced back at the hospital, before turning away, his feet carrying him at a faster pace. He cared for you, but he didn’t love you. It was best for you that he left. His mind was filled with flashes of nights, nights where flesh met flesh, where the scent of sex hung in the air until morning. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, this was best for you. After putting himself first, he had to make this choice. Your wellbeing, that was what mattered. You. He was surprised to find that part of him was sad, but he pushed that deep down inside of him. With him out of the picture, you had the chance to be truly happy. You and the doctor. That was if you ever opened your eyes to see what was in front of you. And now, he had put himself far behind you, that was where he belonged. His feet lead him back to his room, he opened the door to find it empty, he sat down and began to meditate, memories still floating in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying goodbye proves harder than you had thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m getting far too invested in this story that served as my before sleep dreamscape for three months. 
> 
> Warnings: Mild Language, pining, unrequited love, goodbyes, mentions of pregnancy, goodbyes, some angst.

Leonard helped you to pack the belongings you had in the hospital. Which consisted of one shredded Starfleet Uniform. A new one sat on the bed, your arm still in a sling you glanced at him, “Len, can you help me?”   
You missed the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed nervously, “Yeah, no problem.” You stepped out of the hospital gown, in only standard issue boxers and a sports bra, that a nurse had helped you into. He took his eyes away from you, you pulled the uniform pants on, trying in vain to button them with one hand. His fingers ghosted over yours as he fastened the button and reached for the command gold shirt on the bed. He threw the shirt over his shoulder and started to remove your sling. His fingers moving deftly at the fasteners. Each time his fingers touched your flesh you felt a dull heat. You forced yourself to ignore it as he slowly lowered your arm and pulled the shirt over your head. You easily pushed your right arm through as he gently maneuvered your left arm into the sleeve. A hiss escaped your lips as a sharp pain erupted in your shoulder. “Sorry.” He said, barely a whisper as he began to fasten the sling on your arm over your uniform.   
Once he was finished his eyes met yours, something unreadable in his eyes, before he glanced away. “So, you ship out tomorrow?” You asked.   
He nodded. “We just got the crew discharged and they want to throw us into space” He grumbled.   
You chuckled at that. “I ship out three days later.” You stated, “What do you say, one last hurrah dinner?” You asked.   
He paused for a moment, conflict churning in his stomach. He knew that this would hurt, the last dinner with you. “Sure, darlin’.”   
You didn’t say anything about the name, but nodded. He took your shredded uniform in his hand and nodded. “What are you doing?” You asked.   
“I’m walking you to your apartment, then we’re going for dinner.” He answered, an eyebrow raised in your direction. “You really think I’m going to let you walk by yourself? A pregnant woman who is still in a sling, who happens to be my best friend? Do you know nothing of my Southern hospitality?”   
It was turn to raise your eyebrow at him. “Best friend? Better not let Jim hear that. It will be a complete challenge to his existence.”   
Leonard started grumbling under his breath, you couldn’t make out much more than Jim’s name. He finished his tirade and pushed the door open, gesturing for you to leave the room. He took one last glance around the room before following you out. He reached for your good elbow to guide you out of the way of a doctor moving forward at a quick pace. Your hip bumped against his, you glanced up as a few nurses stared in your direction. You could almost feel daggers being sent in your direction as his hand rested on your opposite hip, steadying your balance. As you exited the hospital you raised your face towards the sun, taking in a deep breath. You heard Leonard chuckle as he removed his hand from your hip.   
“Just because you can’t enjoy the simple things, Dr. McCoy, doesn’t mean that I can’t.” You snarked in his direction.   
He raised an eyebrow, not commenting. Which surprised you. His mind was reeling, the only simple things I need in life are from you. But he would not say that aloud as he watched you take another deep breath. Just when did he become a sap?   
He continued walking with you in silence. Watching the way the sun hit your hair, the ways your eyes would shine when you looked at him. Five years were a long time, you were going to be somewhere across the universe. He was pulled out of his mind when you reached your apartment building. You easily scanned in, Leonard following you to the elevator. You both entered your apartment, Leonard making his way to your garbage to dispose of the old uniform. You made your way into your room stopping in the doorway. You knew that getting changed was going to be an issue. You sighed. You hated going to dinner in uniform. Especially in command gold, but you weren’t about to make Leonard help you agin. You heard a voice from behind you.   
“I can help. I’ve seen my fair share of naked bodies this week.” You could hear the joking tone in his voice. “You know you hate going out in gold.”   
You sighed, he had won. “Fine.” You turned towards him, his hands began unbuckling the sling. He tossed it aside and helped you to pull off the shirt and pants, leaving you in your underwear. “Grab a flannel from the closet, I’ll get pants.” He walked over to your closet, you pulled a pair of leggings out of your dresser. You sat on your bed and pulled them on slowly, one leg at a time. It wasn’t the most graceful thing you had done, but it worked well enough. Leonard turned with a blue flannel in his hands and helped to put your arms through it, then began to fasten the buttons.   
Your gaze fell on the man kneeling in front of you, helping you become dressed. He finished and his eyes made their way up to yours. You both sat in silence for a moment, “So, blue?” You asked.   
“Well, you bitch so much about gold, thought you might like a walk in my shoes.” He answered, a smile on his face. Your stomach let out a low rumble after his statement. “And it sounds like you two are hungry. Let’s go. We’ll get a half decent meal at that diner, and so help me if you try to get your burger medium well…” He paused when he realized that you were still on the bed. “Darlin’?”   
Your eyes met his. “Leonard, I’m scared.” You whispered. He made his way back to you, sitting next to you. His hand reached for your good hand, finders threading through yours. “I never thought I’d leave the Enterprise. I didn’t think I’d be a mom. So much has changed.”   
His thumb rubbed against the back of your hand. “Some things will change. And that’s life. Look at me. I thought I would be a country doctor with my wife, living on Earth. Here I am now, CMO on a spaceship, about to ship off on a 5 year mission into the unknown. Without that, I never would have met Jim. I never would have met you. So much changed, but there was so much good.” You lean your head on his shoulder, your stomach growling again. “I may not be an expert in prenatal care, but I think we need to feed you two, now.” He said, standing, giving a tug to your joined hands, causing you to reluctantly stand. Your grip on his hand tightened as you followed him out of the apartment building to the diner down the street. Both of you not noticing the command gold clad captain stopping in the road and staring in your direction, with a twinkle in his eye.  
Leonard directed you to a booth and a waitress bounced up to your table. “What will it be?”   
“Two burgers, everything, well done. Fries on the side. Vanilla milkshake for me, she’ll take a ginger ale.” Leonard listed off. The waitresses eyes jumped between the two of you.   
“That’ll be right out.” She winked as she sauntered away to get your drinks.   
Your eyes traced over Leonard, leaning back against the booth. His left arm thrown across the back, his right fingers tapping on the tabletop. The waitress set your drinks in front of you before turning back to the counter. “What’s on your mind, Bones?” You asked, taking a sip of the drink.   
“Five years is a long time.” He murmured. “A really long damn time.”   
You nodded, eyes meeting his. “It is.”   
“Five years, in space, with Jim as captain. It’s going to be a miracle if we make it home in one piece.” He grumbled.   
“You made it back here in one piece.” You answered, taking another sip.   
His eyes fell back on you, you almost didn’t. He sighed. “Five years with Jim as your only friend onboard a spaceship.” He countered.   
“Hmmm, might be time for you to share your sparkling personality with the crew. Make some new friends.” You answered.   
He snorted, “I have far surpassed my friend quota for the next twenty years.”   
Before you could respond the waitress placed your burgers in front of both of you. “Enjoy.” She said, then making her way back to the counter.   
Leonard started to eat, cutting off the conversation, you started in on your plate. The two of you sitting in silence, enjoying the last meal you had together. You started aimlessly moving the last of your fries around your plate as Leonard pushed his plate away. His eyes watching you, “So are you going to eat that, or do I have to watch you draw shapes in your catsup?”   
Your eyes squinted at him, you gave one more flick of your wrist to the fry before popping it into your mouth. “Snarky old bastard.” You grumbled.   
“But I’m your snarky old bastard.” He responded, a smirk spreading across his face, setting his blue eyes alight.   
A small smile graced your lips. “Thank the gods I only have to deal with you a few more hours.”   
“Yes, lucky you.” He said, taking the last drink of his shake. He placed some money on the table, you started to object, but he cut you off. “My treat, call it our celebration dinner.”   
“I was going to say send off dinner.” You said.   
“Beat you to it.” He teased, standing from his seat. He waited for you to rise from the booth then made his way to the door and opened it to allow you out.   
“Such a gentleman.” You said, giving him a nudge in the ribs with your good elbow.   
“Southern hospitality, darlin’. It’s like you don’t know me.” He said, pretending to be hurt, then reaching out to grab your hand in his.   
Warmth radiated from his hand into yours, warming your whole body. You glanced at the man next to you. His eyes on the path before you as he was rattling off manners and chivalry, like he was a knight of old or something. His shoulders were relaxed for the first time in days. You could see the lack of sleep under his eyes, but he was calm, comfortable even. Something stirred in your heart, but you weren’t sure what it was as you saw your apartment building looming in the distance.   
You both stopped abruptly on the sidewalk, staring at the building. The place you called home losing the charm you were used to. You quickly turned to Leonard, shocking him for a moment. “Promise me, that if you can, you’ll call. If we’re in range. We’ll stay in touch.”   
His eyes widened a bit. “I promise, as long as you promise not to get mad when I look over your records from Ambrose. To see how you and your little one are doing.” His hand that you weren’t holding settling on your abdomen.   
You looked into his blue eyes. “I promise. But you don’t get to be rude and Sergeant Doctor when something isn’t to your liking. Ambrose isn’t under your orders.”   
He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. “Fine, but you won’t do anything reckless, you’re not Jim and you’re not on Jim’s ship.”   
You rolled your eyes, “I’m on a diplomatic ship, hardly anything dangerous or reckless happens on those.”   
He sighed and rested his forehead against yours. “I promise that no matter what, I’ll be there for you.”  
“And I you.” You answered. His hand moved from your abdomen to your cheek.   
“Goodbye, Captain.” He whispered.   
“Goodbye, Doctor.” You answered, then he pulled away, releasing your hand. He gave a sad smile and turned to walk back the way you had came. Watching him leave you felt that flutter again, but you ignored it. Your heart was heavy as you watched your best friend make his way into the night. You didn’t know when next you would see him, but you knew for sure, you would miss him every day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time aboard the Defiance as captain is new, but you think you will be able to handle it, as long as you don’t lose it on a diplomat. Jim is determined to beat down the walls around Leonard’s existence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi, it’s been a while. I have a plan for this story, so many nice parts, that are towards the end, still working on the bulk of it. But here’s an update! 
> 
> Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Language.

You made the way to the bridge of your ship. It was surreal being captain, watching ensigns salute and scatter away. You took the captain’s chair. So many times you had seen Jim take his seat, you wondered how he managed. You stared out across the hangar, you would be taking the ship into space in a few hours, you had managed to get a few moments to yourself on the bridge. There was something daunting about sitting in the captain’s chair, having all of those lives in your hands. And now you had even more lives to worry about, your hand rested on your abdomen.

When you accepted this appointment you had worried it would be ripped out of your hands because you were going to have a child. It seemed that Starfleet had decided your existence was good press, or at least better press than sending you out on the _Enterprise._ You had been in the hangar when they took off. You stayed in the back of the crowd, but Leonard saw you, he waved as they sent off on their excursion. You were one of the last people in the hangar watching the ship float away into the stars. 

The prospect of a child had scared you initially, petrified you. Everything you had worked for was wiped off the table permanently. Sure, there were things that could be done, things you could do to handle it, but you could not bring yourself to go through with any of them. You chuckled to yourself, the notion that your world would end with a child was such an antiquated idea. Your world would continue, just not in the path you had always planned for. You sighed, “I promise to give you the universe little one, I may not be able to give you a perfect family life. But the stars, the universe, even worlds. These are what I will offer you.” You whispered in your chair. Heart aching for the crew you had spent so much time with. Feeling like something was missing as you looked around your bridge. 

Realistically, you knew that you would see them again, Jim, Leonard, Scotty, even Spock. Maybe before the five years were up, diplomats could be sent behind their excursions. You had to tell yourself that you would see them again, sooner than later. 

“Sir.” Your first mate, T’ral, a Vulcan greeted. “We are beginning loading the crew, we will be ready in an hour.” 

You nodded. “Thank you, are you ready?” 

She tilted her head, “I am.” 

A smile played across your lips. The parallels of the _Defiance_ and _Enterprise_ made you chuckle. Having a Vulcan first mate had been a bit of a surprise, but you knew that even in the most dire of circumstances, having a Vulcan at your side was a great asset. “Glad to hear it.” 

T’ral glanced down at your hand resting on your stomach. “How are you feeling?” She asked. 

“Well, thank you.” You carefully took your hand away from your stomach. The crew was aware they were serving a pregnant captain, no one was out of the loop, but you still felt the need to hide. 

“If you require, I have several remedies from my mother, for pregnancy. I know your condition is unique. I doubt that I will be needing them soon, but if you require.” T’ral said gently. 

You smiled at her. “Thank you.” 

Her lips remained in a thin line, but you knew that she was being kind. You looked to the monitors as you heard the sounds of the crew beginning to board the ship. The journey was going to begin, your PADD beeped, you glanced down to see a message from Leonard. _Good luck, Captain._ You smiled and typed back a quick thank you. 

Leonard sat in his office, it had been surprisingly quiet on the _Enterprise._ No injuries to speak of, for two weeks. It was a goddamn miracle, he thought for a moment about putting up one of those old signs. “It has been blank days since our last incident.” He glanced down at his PADD smiling when he received the _thank you_ message from you. 

The ship felt odd without you, like there was an emptiness. Leonard knew it wasn’t just the ship that felt odd, it was him too. He sighed and pulled out his bottle of whiskey, that was definitely standard issue for all doctors, especially doctors serving onboard a ship with James Kirk as Captain. As he poured a glass a telltale head of blonde hair poked just inside his office door. 

“Jesus Jim, give a man a warning.” He grumbled, grabbing another glass from his desk. 

Jim sat across from him, accepting the whiskey from his friend. “You want to talk about it?” 

Leonard took a sip of the whiskey and looked over at Jim, “Talk about what?” 

Jim chuckled and took a long swig of whiskey, wincing as he swallowed. “Strong shit.” He muttered, “Whatever it is that has you in such a mood.” 

Leonard sighed, swirling the glass of whiskey, watching the amber liquid spin in the glass. “It’s nothing.” 

“Bones, don’t tiptoe around the subject. She’s on another ship.” Jim snapped, putting his feet up on Leonard’s desk. Leonard had to bite his tongue to keep from snapping at the captain. 

“She’s on another ship, what more do I need to say?” He grumbled, still watching the whiskey. 

“She’s captaining another ship and she is pregnant.” Jim said, meeting his friend’s eyes. 

Leonard took a swig of the whiskey in the glass. “She is.” 

Jim remained silent for a moment, hoping that his friend just might elaborate. When the silence became longer and more uncomfortable Jim decided to poke the bear. “Dammit Bones, I get more of a reaction out of Spock when I talk to him.”

Leonard’s hazel eyes clouded, “Don’t you dare compare me to him. Don’t even think about it.” 

Jim smirked into his glass, he had hit a nerve. “Then talk to me.” 

“What do you want me to say Jim? She is going to be a galaxy away, she’s pregnant, with another man’s child. I can never be there for her in the ways that I wanted. She’s on a whole other ship. I’ve lost my chances and all I can do is hope that I can send her messages on the PADD and check her medical logs to make sure she and the baby are okay.” Leonard ranted. “Everything I ever could have wanted is across the galaxy and I might see her in five years, but who knows what will happen to her in five years. I was around and she ended up with someone else.” 

“But who was there when she got the news?” Jim asked, taking a sip of the whiskey. “It wasn’t the father of the child, it was you.” 

For some reason that comforted Leonard, brought him a small bit of peace. “I miss her already, Jim.” 

“I think, she’ll be waiting for you.” Jim said, glancing at his friend. While it wasn’t quite the confession he had been looking for, it was more than he had been able to get out of him for weeks.

You sighed, you had been captaining the _Defiance_ for a month now, shuttling diplomats across the universe, hosting parties onboard the ship. And you would have given anything to be onboard the _Enterprise_ for even one minute. You remembered why you enjoyed the exploratory missions, you didn’t have to be a service. You turned off your PADD when you heard the shift change. 

“Captain, get some rest.” T’ral said from her post. “I’ll watch over the ship. If we need you we will find you.” 

Relief pulsed through your tense shoulders, you rose from your chair, rolling your shoulders and entering the lift. You didn’t remember how long it had been since your last good sleep. You made it to your quarters and scanned in. The room was larger than you had expected, being the Captain’s Quarters. One addition that was not conventional for the Captain’s Quarters was a nursery, a cradle had been set up for when the baby came. There was a weight to being the first Captain to have a family on board a ship. 

You made your way to your shower, letting the warm water fall on your body and try to loosen the tension that had grown from trying to keep the most recent group of diplomats happy. You left the shower feeling lighter, you glanced at the PADD by your bedside, a message from Dr. Ambrose reminding you to take vitamins and care for yourself. An update from Leonard on how the adventures of the _Enterprise_ had been going, including a few detailed accounts on how he wanted to kick Jim Kirk’s ass from here to the end of the universe. And a message from Jim asking how captaining was going, how you were feeling, and commiserating about the trials of having a logical first mate. You turned the lights off and your PADD lit itself. You grabbed it and glanced at the screen, you froze. 

**One new message from: Commander Spock.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock has been thinking, Leonard has been seething, and unfortunately, they are on the same ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, I reread the beginning of this and realized that I had some deeeeeeep plot holes, so now I am going to try to remedy them and create a cohesive plot….. While emphasizing some angst, and feelings…. If you’re still reading this, you’re a great being and deserve all the best things. So here’s some flashbacks and moods to tape this together. Also, just needed some angsty boys. 
> 
> Warnings: Language.

Spock found himself inside your hospital room, he felt that he owed you explanations. Even though you were leaving the _Enterprise_ for your own ship. You deserved closure from him, that much had been conveyed by Prime. 

“I plan to stay on board the _Enterprise._ Prime, intends to remain with New Vulcan and aid in the growth of the community.” Spock said, direct, to the point. “Uhura and I have grown closer, we are going to see where this goes.” 

“I see.” You murmured quietly, glancing up as Dr. Ambrose came into the room. 

“Well, you and the child’s vitals look good. At the moment I do not see any complications due to the Vulcan genetics. I think that’s in part….” She stopped when she saw Spock sitting next to your bed. “Hello.” She murmured, raising an eyebrow in your direction. 

You sat stiffly in bed watching Spock process what he had heard. The doctor continued speaking when you tilted your head, at this point there wasn’t a reason to stop her. The cat was out of the bag. Spock remained quiet while you continued your conversation with the doctor. 

Spock could feel his mind racing with the information he now had. You were pregnant, with his child. A child who could be integral to the future of his home world. To the Vulcan race. The potential was so great, but the child would only be a fourth Vulcan. He remembered the distain he had been exposed to as a child by being half Vulcan. Did he want to expose a child to this? Perhaps there would be a shift in the culture due to the current circumstance? His mind continued to jump through hoops. Then he heard the sound of someone else at the door. 

His glanced over to see Dr. McCoy at the door in his medical blues. Intense eyes staring directly at you in the bed, his focus kept him from even noticing Spock in the room. There was a look in his eyes that Spock knew he could never give you. It was completely illogical, but Spock knew he had to step away from the situation, because while he cared about you and the child. Leonard McCoy would care for both of you in ways he never could. The child would know love, be cared for, in ways he had never been. He would never give up his Vulcan life, the way he was raised, but he would not choose it for another who was not fully Vulcan.

He glanced at you, confusion evident in your eyes. He had remained silent through all the doctor had said. Most men would have an emotional response to the news of becoming a father, he was not most men. The best option for all involved, would be for him to remove himself. He stood from the chair, making short eye contact with McCoy, “Doctor.” He greeted, turning back to you. “Congratulations again, Captain.” He murmured, turning on his heel and leaving the hospital room. The last thing he heard was you telling McCoy that you had not told him. His eyebrow raised, while it wasn’t a total lie, but it was a lie by omission. Spock didn’t know much about your relationship with the Doctor, but he knew you didn’t lie to him. 

Nyota found him meditating in his room that evening. He could feel her hovering in the doorway as he concentrated on his breathing. 

“Spock, do you want to talk about it?” She asked quietly coming to sit at his side. 

He remained silent for a moment as he considered his words. “She’s pregnant and the child is mine. I would not have known if the doctor had not revealed it to me. If you were her, would you hate me?” 

She sighed and turned to look into his eyes. “I don’t think there is a single ounce of hatred in even her little finger. I imagine she is hurting, confused, maybe even a bit scared. But I doubt that she hates you.”

“Do you think the child…..would they hate me, as a father?” He gazed down at his hands. 

She bit her lip. “Children love their parents, it’s what their parents do through their lifetime that determines how that love grows.”

Spock nodded at her statement, “Would I be a good father?” 

Nyota reached out and rested her hand on the nape of his neck. “I believe that you have the potential for greatness in anything you do, even as a father.” 

_Would I be a better father than Leonard McCoy?_ He wondered as she pulled him into an embrace.

Being aboard the _Enterprise_ was relatively the same as it always had been for Spock. Jim inevitably lead them into some kind of minor peril, against the logical path, and was lectured by the doctor when he was injured. Spock could not navigate the new relationship he had with Dr. McCoy. He was used to the man’s casual distain for his existence. But now it was personal and both men knew why. Logically, Spock should have found a way to relieve the tension and turmoil between himself and the doctor. Perhaps informing the Captain of the tension between the members of the _Enterprise_ should have been a priority for the first mate. But unfortunately, Spock let his emotions dictate this matter, which is what lead to the incident. 

Leonard was having a bad day, a horrible day, possibly the worst day of his miserable existence. Jim had decided to jump headfirst into an unexplored planet that had lifeforms, very angry, territorial lifeforms, causing Leonard to barely have a few seconds of rest. Once he was sure that the crew members were stable he made his way into his office for a short break. He pulled up his PADD hoping for an update from Ambrose, but the messages were blank. 

“No news is good news.” He murmured to himself, setting the PADD on his desk. “We’re in the middle of unknown space, it might still be transmitting.” His fingers tapped nervously on the desk. He knew that with the current timeline you would be getting important news about the baby’s growth, potential genetic anomalies, the sex. And he wasn’t there, and the father wasn’t there. He let out a frustrated huff of air and glanced up at the form that darkened his doorway. “Jim you have already given me more than enough work today, what the hell do you want?” 

Spock stepped into the light, “I’m afraid I’m not the captain, doctor.” 

“And I repeat, what the hell do you want?” Leonard asked, letting the venom leak into his voice. 

“I was hoping that we could have a discussion.” Spock said, tilting his head towards the chair across from the doctor’s.

Leonard reluctantly gestured to the chair. “Did I use to many bandages after the away mission?” He grumbled. 

Spock gritted his teeth, this was not going to be an easy discussion. “I’m here to talk to you about the mother of my child.” 

Leonard’s eyes flicked with an emotion that Spock could not read. “And why are you talking to me about this?” 

“I think we both know why.” Spock answered. 

“So she decided to tell you?” Leonard asked, glancing down at his PADD, which still remained dark. 

“Not exactly.” Spock answered, the doctor raised his eyebrow in a question. “The doctor revealed it in front of me when I visited her before the mission.”

“So you’ve known all this time,” Leonard started, hurt rising in his chest. You had lied to him, that day, you had lied to his face. “And you haven’t done a damn thing for her.” 

Spock prepared his words carefully. “I know it is no secret to either of us that if she had her way I would not be aware of the child’s existence. I hardly believe she wants me involved.” 

Leonard’s hand slammed down on his desk. “You are just as responsible for that child as she is, and whether she wants you involved or not, you should have offered something. You just left her. You fucked her, got her pregnant, and you left. You knew and you walked away.” Leonard’s voice began rising in volume. “She loved you and you just walked out. I was there after you left and dammit I saw her heart break.” 

“And she loves you more than she could ever love me.” Spock snapped quickly. 

The doctor paused in his rant, confusion in his eyes. “You expect me to take anything you say to heart, you’re basically a walking computer program.”He scoffed, but he could feel that thought taking hold in the back of his mind. 

Spock sighed, he knew that reasoning would not work with the doctor, particularly in his current state. And he would never admit it, but he could feel something boiling in his stomach as the conversation continued. 

Leonard’s PADD lit, breaking the tension between the men. His fingers flitted across the screen, eyes softening. Spock could feel he was overstaying his welcome as the doctor continued to furiously scan the PADD screen. He rose from the chair, stopping in the doorway as he heard the doctor call after him. “For what it’s worth, it’s a boy.” 

Spock’s shoulders relaxed and he turned back to the man at the desk for a moment, his eyes meeting his. “Thank you.” 

“I’m not doing this for you.” The doctor answered, going back to the PADD. Spock nodded and exited the room. He knew that he and the doctor’s relationship was far from friendship, but he was fairly certain that the doctor was not going to punch him the next time he walked into the medical quarters. He wandered through the halls until he made it to his quarters, he picked up his PADD from his bedside table. 

“I’m having a son.” He murmured, a small smile tugging at his lips. His mind wandered to thoughts of his mother, she would be excited to be a grandparent. Maybe not proud of how the child came to be, but she would love the child, like she loved him. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he began to type his message to you. 

**I owe you an explanation for my actions. I know that I did not react to the news that was revealed to me, without your consent. I know that I will have a child in this world in a few months. I am responsible for them coming into this universe.**

**I have spent much time these past few weeks reflecting on my time with my mother. She was kind and I know without a doubt that she loved me, and I her. The human emotion of love is one that for years I repressed to be more like my father and his world, only to learn that he too felt love in his own way, in his own expression. As a child I did not understand this expression, only that of my mother. It is through her expression that I know the kind of mother you will be. You will be strong, you will be kind, caring, and above all, loving.**

**The life of this child will be better without me in it. The universe does not require more of me, it requires more of you. You are good, you are kind, you are caring. You are everything that I am not. This child will grow into a good and just person because you care for them. I ask you to raise them as you were. If they ever know me is not important, it is important that they know you. If either of you require anything, know that I will do what I can in my power to be sure you have it. If you require anything of me to provide for raising the child, you will have it. But you will not have me. The responsibility of their livelihood does not solely rest upon your shoulders, I played an equal part.**

**I cannot offer them care or kindness, only logic. Logic does not make a parent, love does. I fear I am incapable of the love that is required to be a parent. But you are not, nor is he. And he loves you more than I ever could.**

**Live long and prosper.**


End file.
